christmas cards

I have sent out Christmas cards for the past 4 years.. along with a CD (first two years) or downloadable playlist (last two) of my favorite holiday songs for that year.

Christmas Cards in process circa 2008

Well, I wasn't going to make them this year.. because it's a lot of work, and I don't really have the space to do what I've done in the past. But, then, two friends of mine have very recently mentioned how much they appreciate them.. and look forward to them.. and so I think I have to do it. It's year number FIVE. The grand finale of mixes. How do you turn away from a project like that.

I just have to start working on them..
And hey... addressing these suckers will be great practice for number 2 on my list.
two birds, one stone.

My computer died.
Recently.  As in two days ago.
So, I'm not sure if I have photos of all of my past cards.. I don't want to talk about it.


This is the run down:

• year 1. photocopies of a wintery illustration
• year 2. mini 3x3 three layer relief prints
• year 3. accordian cards with handsewn envelopes
• year 4. all-in-one cards with satin ribbon & a wax seal closure
• year 5. postcards? photocards? ...time to brainstorm.
  

Okay okay.
Brainstorming today.
Michael's after work.
Playlist to come.
Addresses to gather.
Here we go.

progress?

Not so much. Maybe sort of, actually.

I did go through my room and I took 3 bags full of clothes and shoes to the Salvation Army last weekend. Two of those bags had been sitting in the trunk of my car for a few months, so that is a definite accomplishment.

I didn't attempt any calligraphy this week... I have a tendency to overbook myself, and I suppose if I want to make any progress on this list, I'm going to have to start to carve out some time for it ;)

I did make something, however! A flag. For the boyfriend.. a reminder for both him and myself that I support him and want to be his #1 fan in anything he wants to pursue. I know it's a little silly. But, it was important and he loved it. Mission accomplished.

Also.. there is a free Natural Hair Color seminar (part of that all encompassing "attend cosmetology school" part of my big list) that is going to be held in about a week and a half, and I think I'm going to go and see what it's all about.. the flyer said that they will explain the risks of commercial coloring products, compared to natural hair coloring and that the discussion will include the following topics:

• the basics of hair structure and how hair color works
• some common chemicals involved in mainstream coloring products such as PPD, ammonia, peroxide and resorcinol.
• how chemical toxins may affect you
• learn about natural options in hair coloring products, including henna, semi-permanent and permanent natural hair coloring.

Sounds... right up my alley :) I have to remember to reserve a spot.

And, unrelated.. I highlighted my cousin's hair last night, and then left her on her own to rinse and tone them.. I should have taken pictures of that. But, I left my camera card at the office. So, c'est la vie. Next time.. next time :) I know these things mean nothing if you don't have visual proof.. my sincerest apologies..

prep work

I'm in the mood to purge.
It comes and goes. But, it's been coming more and more often.

What is that quote? "Do not keep anything in your home that you do not believe to be functional or beautiful." Who said it? An architect perhaps?

Anyway. He was right. And I have too much clutter in my life. My car is full of bags that need to be donated. My closet is overflowing and I can't find or use anything. I just store it for someday in the future when I have more space.

In order to be able to start working on projects.. I need to make some room. Mentally and literally.

Related to this:
a. Don't buy cheap clothes or poorly made accessories. No more fake rings. sigh. They don't last, and I throw them away (or keep them tucked in a drawer forever) after I wear them twice.
b. Don't buy things for future projects. Focus only on the projects at hand. I just don't have the space right now.

However. I did just buy this necklace for 4 dollars at Forever21. I should find a suitable replacement. It will probably be green in a few days...

Also. This jacket? Best purchase of 2010. More than I normally spend, but I wear it constantly. This is my point, people. This is my point.

Also, I like fresh starts. And I like feeling accomplished and prepared.
And.. getting rid of clothes and clutter feels like a great place to start.

So tonight, I'm cleanin' out my closet...
(sorry, I couldn't resist.)

p.s. I learned a little something this morning. life lessons everywhere you look.

calligraphy

from the list #2. address invites for A&K's wedding next summer (calligraphy)

OKAY. Homegirl needs to be proactive about this one. It's the first big thing I'm going to tackle, because I actually have to use it in a few months.. eeps.

Lucky for me, I love my handwriting. I practiced over and over and over as a kid, and in design school we were assigned weekly the task of writing the alphabet 15 times (architectural writing for hand drafting). I also love typography, and pen and ink is one of my favorite mediums..

SO. It should be a no-brainer.. right? I just have to put in the time. And buy a good pen. And maybe take Melissa's workshop? :) ..I'll add it to the list.

An old photo from the last time I attempted to use calligraphy for something:

This week is a little crazy (dances every night...) but, first big project from the list: operation calligraphy.

Also... I started a pinterest board to keep track of all the fun lettering and inspiration I find in this process...

brainstorming

from the list #5 develop a line of jewelry

I'm brainstorming. I have some ideas. Well. I have tons of ideas.. I just don't know what is realistic, or what is the most efficient way of doing this. Of starting this.

But I'm brainstorming.

not on the list, but maybe it should've been...

M O D E L I N G

Nope. Not on the list.. I've never really wanted to be in front of the camera for a profession...

But, a few weeks ago, the boyfriend and I did do a "love shoot" with my lovely cousin Melissa and she just sent me the photos :)

Here's my favorite...

So, even though modeling wasn't officially on the list to begin with, I'd say we can hypothetically cross it off just the same.

21. modeling

However, it did make me realize I might like to do part of the styling side of things... so maybe we'll add a few things to the list too.

22. style a photoshoot (Lauren, Layne, Melissa.. who wants to let me ruin one of your shoots?)
23. hair and makeup for a shoot (assumedly this would happen after I accomplish #15... but I guess it doesn't have to happen that way.)

Thanks again to Ellie Rose Photographie for the fun afternoon...

pen and ink

I realized this past weekend that I have a hard time being creative with an audience.. I am much more likely to come up with something that I love, and enjoy the process of creating if I can do it in solitude*.  I wish I'd realized this sooner, because it helps me understand why I've been struggling so much with feeling creative or being able to put something on paper or canvas that I'm proud of over the past year or so.

The projects I'm most proud of, and the ones that everyone else tends to be drawn to, are the ones that I did at home all alone or in my college campus studios at 3am when everyone else had gone home. They are the ones I created for myself, without trying to please anyone else. They are all experiments in and of themselves, but they really created themselves. Because I didn't put rules on them, or rules on the process.

*One exception to this.. is art night. When you're in the company of other creative people who understand that you usually have no idea what you're doing until all of a sudden the painting starts emerging from your canvas, that is freedom. That is inspiration and that is encouragement and a safe place. I miss art nights. I need to find a way to reinstate them.

I started to work on thank you cards last Saturday morning, but couldn't get into a rhythm.. I was hanging out at my boyfriend's house and he wasn't even hovering or asking me questions about what I was doing, but still I just couldn't focus. I was putting expectations on myself. I'm assuming that subconsciously I didn't want him to see the process.. I didn't want him to see the mistakes.. I didn't want him to question my judgment.

What an allegory for life, huh?

I know that my creativity and my love of MAKING things isn't gone. I haven't lost anything. But, I do feel like I've put it on hold.. and I wonder if it's because I haven't been willing to sacrifice time with people for time with my craft. And to be honest, I'm still not.. Maybe it is a season, but hopefully I will be able to find more of a balance. For now, I just have to remember that I tend to work better on my own (at least until I can build my confidence back up or find a group of like-minded people to work with) and that it's okay to not always be satisfied with my work. What's important is that I keep working, and accept the highs and lows as a part of the process..

advice from my loves

If you could pick the perfect job or position for me to be in, what would you pick? I'm re-evaluating my "career goals" and wonder what you think would suit me...

friend #1: Oh boy. Something where you interact with people or kids. You're such an inspirational person that I feel like you need to be out there doing something where people get to see that.

sister: Oh wow big question...let me think a bit...
5 minutes later just sent you a worksheet to do.

friend #2: I think you need to do something that involves being around people! You have a fun personality :) I found a letter you had written me last year and you were thinking about opening a community art center or something. Do you ever still think about that?

mom: Well... Something that uses your creating talents whether that is in the arts or design fields... Also you like to help people although they frustrate you sometimes... Lots of possibilities..."

brother: graphic design.
me: so original and thoughtful :)
brother: Thanks. It's what I'm known for but no really I think you would do really well and enjoy being a graphic designer it would just require schooling.

friend #3: Something creative, something that is dynamic and non-repetitive, something that benefits others in a positive tangible way... I'll keep brainstorming...

dad: 1. Work with some one who makes the decisions, 2. You do the creative part, 3. That person who makes the decisions is an affirmer, 4. You work to help people not with them. (Affirmer meaning they are often, if not every day, saying things like... "That's good, do more of that." or "This is good but can we change this." Involved but not doing. You tend to wonder often if you are doing well enough or the right stuff.. so, they help you grow in a positive way.)

friend #4: ART! DESIGN! you're crafty. you could be a graphic artist or design coffee shops or bistros.

boyfriend: working at an art studio where you help underprivileged people find their artistic outlet. Or a graphic designer for an organization that you are passionate about ..that would allow you to travel :)

friend #5: I would choose...honestly? Interior Designer or some kind of designer position for a retail (or other heavily-emphasized image type) business. I think you would be a fabulous art teacher as well, but I don't know if you want to teach. What does your gut tell you when you think of answering that question for yourself? 



___

I'm noticing a theme. Are you? It's actually blatantly clear that I should be doing something creative, inspirational and with people.. But how do I get there? Really, how do you end up in that sort of position? And, while I love and adore all of the abovementioned members of my friends and family, I have to wonder if they chose those types of jobs for me because they think I would do well at it or because they know it's what I want to hear.. what I want to be. And, if so, is that so wrong? Isn't that the point? To find what you want, what you love, and to work at making it become your reality?

I hope so. For me, I think it's been a fine line that I don't know how to balance.. I go back and forth between feeling like I have to be responsible and patient and grateful and content, to having an overwhelming desire to take the necessary risks to do something I could potentially love AND excel in.. but with no guarantees of anything.

I feel so lucky to have a job that I enjoy, coworkers who make me laugh and encourage and support me, quite a bit of flexibility and a steady paycheck. To chase after something "more", something that may or may not work out, something that could make me have to miss loan payments or not make rent.. that's scary. But to wait for the perfect timing means waiting forever.. that much I do know..

I guess that is what this whole season of my life is about. I'm deciding that is what it is going to be about ;) I'm going to start exploring those things I love as hobbies and see what sticks, see if I can figure out the differences between what I think I love and what I actually love, and narrow down the field as I go.

If I want to see changes, if I want to end up in a creative position, then I suppose I need to start creating and go from there...

something new

I need a new start. A new project. A new something to put focus and energy into.

I start and stop blogs like it's my job.

So I'm offering no guarantees because I really crave change and love new beginnings. But I want to create something.. and I have to stop "beginning" and start "investing" at some point in my life ;) right?

The blog was originally titled These Wings because I feel like I've been earning my wings and learning to fly over the past few years.. and now it's time to spread them wide and start trusting myself (but really truly). Also, I may have a special affinity for owls and all birds and wings and flight.

But seriously. I want to stop daydreaming and start developing real goals, start to experiment with all of the avenues I love so much and narrow down the field. I want to find whatever it is that I love to do and make it happen. This is an attempt to start focusing in on what that might be..

In a general sense, I know what I want.. I think :) In August of 2009, I took out a little notebook and wrote down "WHAT DO I WANT?" at the top of the page. My thoughts, dreams, desires.. they haven't changed much since.

I want:
to travel
to live in another country
to create
freedom to be creative
encouragement & support
to work with people who inspire me
to be financially secure/independent
love: marriage & family
to dance, to sing, to play
friends &a social network
to enjoy lots of entertainment
an urban lifestyle
new experiences
to pay off all of my debt

So that is what I'm working towards. But, as it turns out, I also want to really love what I do. Whatever it is that fills a percentage of my time? I want to LOVE it. I want to find joy and excitement in my daily activities. I want my work to reflect what I love and I want to stop putting it all off for a time that is more "convenient"...

So here is my new challenge to myself:
I'm going to start exploring everything that I think I could possibly maybe love to do.. make jewelry and accessories and beauty products and even shoes? just make THINGS, plan events, draw and paint and stretch myself artistically (prints, paintings, stationery, etc.), WRITE & blog (welcome to the madness), review places and spaces and things, travel and document it, take graphic design classes maybe? photoshop and illustrator?.. attend art workshops or online classes.. and on and on.

It's a big list.

I want to try them all. And see how it goes. I'll write about it.. and see what sticks.
Something has to come out of all of it, don't you think?







"She turned her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans."
Kobi Yamada